hi

i'm on perx in the hospital, tubes every which way, still can't really walk, feels like a fat man in a papoose is strapped to my chest. i've gained 15 pounds of fluid in four days. they have me on steroids for the first week to help prevent rejection. i don't know why they wait til night time to start the eight hour drip, because i started hallucinating and was hot and sweaty then freezing and very angry, couldn't move or find the nurse button, started yelling and then crying and the nurse came in and said oh, this is steroid psychosis. thanks for the memo. aka roid rage. she gave me a benzo and i woke up at 1:30pm. i need physical therapy to get me out of bed, i don't know where they are, they never come. no appetite. blood sugar too high from steroids, they have me on insulin. at night when the window is closed and it's dark i feel like i don't exist. i hate the television. i don't want my friends to see me. dan came last night and brought me a life sized cardboard cutout of the handsome vampire from twilight. he's been in the corner of the room because he scares the shit out of me and the nurses. dad is doing well, he went home today. i go home on tuesday, somehow. steroids are very, very terrible drugs.